you were

You were the CIRCLE to my square
You were the CREMA to my espresso
You were the ANSWER to my prayers
You were the UMBRELLA to my rain
You were the PULSE to my heart
You were the FOREVER STAMP to my letter
You were the SWEET to my sour
You were the CRAWL to my run
You were the POP to my champagne
You were the KISS to my goodnight
You were the FOUND to my lost
You were, will always be, the LOVE to my life

redefining

I awoke this morning and something felt different.

My first moments in bed were the same as yesterday and the day before, and the day before, and the 64 days before those, when slumber slowly fades, in the room by then bright with morning light, and then, with clarity, I remember.

Sometimes I shed tears before I make myself get out of bed, sometimes they come over coffee.  Still, always, they come.  

I realized, plotting the first few hours of this day, that I am beginning to live a life which feels like my life, despite the good fight I'm waging for him to miraculously return.  Inevitable corners turned, I'm defining new routines and patterns that are mine, not ours.  I keep the car key with its panic button by the bed, the tapestry tote bag now holds plastic bags within reach, and dinner might be oyster soup three nights in a row.

My new normal.  

One day joy will return to my life, I know it will, but it wasn't today and I doubt it will be tomorrow or the day after, or the day after those ...